However the skill of influence cuts two ways. If we have the skill, we can influence others in a variety of different ways. In many instances in life, however, others are using the principles of influence on us, causing us to behave in ways that they want (and sometimes that we don’t want). So, emotional intelligence includes not only possessing the skill of being able to influence others, but also the skill of being aware of how others might (consciously or unconsciously) be trying (or succeeding!!) to influence us and being able to make appropriate choices or responses in the situation.

In his book ‘Influence – The Psychology of Persuasion’, Robert Cialdini outlines six broad principles of influence that we use and that are used on us in our everyday lives:

• Reciprocity: The human tendency to try to repay in kind what someone else has provided us.

• Commitment and consistency: Our desire to be consistent with a commitment or what we have already done.

• Social proof: We tend to determine what is correct (including the correct way to behave) by observing what others see as correct or do correctly.

• Liking: We prefer to say ‘yes’ to requests from people we know and like.

• Authority: Our extreme willingness to go to almost any lengths on the command of an authority.

• Scarcity: Opportunities seem more valuable to us when their availability is limited.

The book is partly a self-defence book on how to recognise when you’re being manipulated and how to deal with it. Cialdini illustrates influence with numerous examples such as the ‘Tupperware Party’ and the underlying psychology behind what makes this type of party plan selling so successful. Small gifts are given to guests during the course of the party (Reciprocity); they are encouraged to verbalise features and benefits of previous pieces of Tupperware purchased (Commitment and consistency); and when others at the party begin to buy, the pressure to comply becomes very great indeed! (Social proof).

The book has lots of excellent examples of influence and interesting research on the human psyche. As well as becoming much more aware of how others manipulate our behaviour to comply, reading this book will also help you develop your EI and positive ways of influencing others.

*Publisher: The Business Library

Today AL centers on three key elements: relaxed alertness (the state of mind essential for learning), orchestrated immersion (placing the learner in complex, life-like, interactive situations), and active processing (encouraging learners to process, consolidate, and apply their learning).

If you are a trainer, here are some simple ways in which you can incorporate AL strategies into your program:

• A brain teaser on a PowerPoint slide at the front of the training room when students first walk into the training room (this creates engagement and fun/challenge right from the outset)

• A flip chart with an inspiring quote (or two or three…in colour!)

• An uplifting song/music playing as students are entering the training space

• A positive ‘welcome’ flip chart with the names of the students incorporated

• A large colourful poster with an image and possibly words that link to the theme of the program

All these simple, but powerful ‘psychological anchors’ create the ideal environment for learning and are ‘suggestive’ of a positive experience. Do one or two of these things and it will enhance your programs; do all of them and it can have a transformational effect!

One reason for giving up on what we want is that we may have had little practice in creating it. When we are children, it seems that others have all the power to give us what we want, while we, being so little, have none. When we grow up, we still believe that we must depend on others to provide us with whatever we want, otherwise we don’t get it. We are ignorant of our own power to create that which we desire.

A second reason for not creating what we want in life is that we have little or no tolerance for the tension we experience by the “gap” between what we would like to have, and the reality of the current situation. When we have a choice, we will almost always resolve the tension between what we want and what we currently have, by addressing (or continuing in) the present circumstances, rather than working toward our vision of what it is we want. We make the easiest choice because we don’t like to experience that tension, and what we are “used to” is always easier than the pursuit of something new.

The discrepancy between what we want and what we have will increase or decrease depending on whether or not we become closer to, or further away from our desired end. As we move closer to attaining what we want, the discrepancy lessens leading to a decrease in tension. As we move further away from what we want, the tension increases. In the latter event, we often simply give up on what we want as being “unrealistic.” This way, the tension is quickly resolved, however we fail to get what we want.

People, who create what they want, have a greater ability to tolerate this discrepancy longer than those who do not create their desired ends. This is because people who create anything make this discrepancy and resulting tension, their stock-in-trade. Creators play with tensions between differences, contrasts, opposites, balance, symmetry, etc. They are at home with the difference between what they have and what they wish to create. It gives them the energy and motivation to pursue their own vision. Such persistence, sometimes without knowing exactly how they are going to accomplish what they want, pays off by increasing the probability of their chosen creation coming into existence.

Let’s take a clue from the creators. Let’s learn not only to tolerate, but use discrepancy tension to serve as momentum toward realising what we want. Let’s not turn discrepancy tension into some kind of emotional conflict. Let’s recognise that life is full of forces moving in all kinds of different directions. There are always pieces that do not fit. There will always be a discrepancy between what we have and what we want. The key is to use this tension to create. What do we create? Whatever it is we truly want.

Maybe we can’t have all of what we want in life. But we certainly can create more of what we desire, more of what is important to us, by learning how to accept and use the tension caused by the discrepancy between what we want and what we now have.

Source: adapted from ‘Practical Psychology’, Lloyd J. Thomas, PhD

Nothing can give you greater success than people who are enthusiastic towards the commitment of achieving business goals. Over the last 20 years, our company has learned that in order to create motivated and high-performing teams, people need to be acknowledged. We believe that people want to excel, they want to be the very best that they can be and need to be valued. They not only want to be set up for success, they also need to celebrate the success.

By thinking of ways to reward and recognise your staff you can provide the fuel to maintain high levels of energy and motivation. Here are just a few tips for informally rewarding your team:

• Regular feedback to staff – it is suggested that managers develop (if they don’t have this in place already), a schedule of performance management/feedback reviews with their staff at least quarterly for 30 minutes. If managers don’t spend at least 30 minutes per quarter giving feedback about a staff member’s performance, the clear message they are sending to their staff is: “Your performance doesn’t matter to me”. These regular performance reviews can be supplemented with a monthly ‘one-on-one’ between the manager and each of their staff, specifically to talk about job performance as opposed to operational issues. It is important that these sessions focus on the positives (positive feedback) first and foremost. From experience, performance feedback tends to focus on the negatives: i.e. what’s not being done or what’s not being achieved rather than all the good work that IS being achieved.

• Random/spontaneous recognition and praise for a job well done for individuals and the team.

• Managers walking around more and providing encouragement/appreciation on-the-job.

• Recognition/appreciation expressed by managers at their team meetings – Team members should leave team meetings preferably on a ‘high’ rather than a ‘low’. This can be achieved by the manager providing encouragement for the efforts of team members and for goals that are being achieved

• Higher-level management focus – It is important that during monthly one-on-ones between the GM’s and their managers, that one of the standing agenda items for review is ‘People Management’ with specific emphasis on ‘Recognition & Feedback’. Managers need to know that this is an important aspect of their leadership performance and that it will be reviewed on a regular basis – certainly at least quarterly if not monthly.

• Write a letter – An effective way to show appreciation is through a letter, very powerful! Writing a short letter of appreciation/recognition to staff when staff have achieved a significant business goal/personal objective. A letter of appreciation is something tangible (and more meaningful than, say, an email) that employees can take home to show their partners/family and keep as a memento of their work achievements.

Many managers focus on the negatives too much; the emotionally intelligent leader proactively and consciously focuses on the positives and then uses powerful positive reinforcement and recognition to motivate high levels of team performance.

Effective communication is vital to business success. Securing funds for projects, attracting new clients, increasing sales, inciting action, winning votes, and controlling damage may all be contingent on the quality of just one presentation. With the stakes so great it stands to reason that you, as the speaker, be well-prepared and highly attuned to your audience. Ensure that your understanding of the topic is expansive and extends beyond the parameters of your presentation. Most of us have little difficulty talking fluently about something that is familiar or of personal interest, so by deepening your knowledge pool you will gain confidence, be more persuasive, and better placed to field questions or challenge opposing arguments.

Another important element of effective presenting is to know your audience and adapt your content and delivery accordingly. The average adult attention span is a mere 90 seconds, so it’s critical that you engage your audience from the very beginning. During your preparation place yourself in the listener’s seat. Why have they come to listen to you speak? What is the most effective way you can convey your message? Will they respond better to facts and figures, or a more visionary approach? Most audiences will be diverse in their learning preferences, but it is important to try and capture the majority, or at least the most important i.e. potential clients, shareholders, your boss…

In addition to the advancement of your business, presentations provide a valuable platform for self-promotion and personal growth. Being able to deliver a presentation, make a speech, be it prepared or impromptu, or undergo an interview with competence and composure, places you in good stead to be heard and gain influence. Career progression can be dependent on your ability to draw attention to your own work, so if you are offered this opportunity, the last thing you want is to be overcome by anxiety. The benefits of effective communication reach farther than the workplace. Well developed presentation skills can also see you exercise influence in your social life. Learning how to engage new people, and tailor your communication to complement their own interpersonal style can lead to rewarding interactions and more fulfilling relationships.

It’s a well documented fact that people fear public speaking more than death but VM Learning’s Powerful Presentations workshop will provide you with presentation skills to die for! Call us on (07) 3371 8777 to enquire or book your spot for our next workshop on 11 November 2011.

Optimising diversity however can be a complicated task, because with difference often comes division. A study conducted by researchers at the University of Queensland explored the dynamics of workplace conflict and the associated emotional reactions and counterproductive behaviours. Findings from the study revealed that conflict in the three surveyed organisations was triggered by interpersonal and task related problems, which in turn led to poor group outcomes such as absenteeism, and feelings of anger and frustration. In work teams that were more eclectic in terms of employee characteristics, conflict was regarded as being a bigger problem than in teams that were more homogenous.

Where short-term conflict can inspire innovation and challenge an unhealthy status quo, protracted conflict was linked to intragroup bullying behaviours. An overwhelming number of respondents perceived that they were being bullied by their supervisors, and to a lesser extent their colleagues during the course of a conflict. Additionally, employees who perceived higher levels of bullying were more likely to engage in counterproductive and antisocial behaviours.

Authors concluded that it was not conflict per se that triggered workplace bullying, but rather the duration, intensity and management of conflict events that had pressing implications for the emergence of bullying. They recommended that managers be sensitised to the link between conflict and bullying, and that they engage in interventionist training, with a focus on emotional intelligence and interpersonal communication strategies.

Although diverse workteams can be highly valuable to an organisation, learning to manage differences and respond to conflict is an essential skill for modern-day managers.

Why is this particular leadership practice the hardest? One reason could be that for most people, having a vision of where they’ll be 12 months from now, let alone five to 10 years from now, is not easy. Or perhaps they just simply haven’t made the time.

This key aspect of leadership, providing and facilitating direction for self and others, requires discipline and good communication skills. Discipline is needed to allow the creativity within to flow. Many people often cite that their most creative moments are not when they are at work, but when they are relaxing or recreating or even listening to others! Here are some ideas for developing your vision and inspiring a shared vision with others:

• Use the Internet to join a ‘futures’ forum

• Listen to what reputable community and business leaders are forecasting

• Attend a futures conference (yes, there are such things!)

• Analyse social, economic, environmental and technological trends for ideas about the   future

• Subscribe to a futures magazine such as ‘American Demographics’ or similar  magazines

• Type in ‘Future Trends’ in Google…there’s heaps of articles to help you (see www.futurist.com)

• Sit quietly and visualise yourself 10 years from now. Ask yourself, “What’s the   world like now? What have I achieved in the last 10 years? How have I made   a difference in my workplace/family/community?

• Share your vision with others on a regular basis…face to face.

• Review and set your goals as a team at least once a month. Look at your long-term/big picture goals, your quarterly goals and plan next month’s goals…this activity is tremendously inspiring and motivating!

If you work in a team which doesn’t currently do any of the above, you can demonstrate your leadership by initiating some of the above!

• They were able to communicate honestly and proactively with their employees.

• They listened well, showed sensitivity and explained the reasons for the painful changes that were deemed necessary.

Effective leaders “need to make the tough calls” when situations warrant, says Kerry Bunker, a leadership development expert at CCL. “But, on the other hand, they need to reach out” and let employees know that the organisation’s leaders understand what they are going through. Leaders might worry that they will appear weak if they exhibit soft skills, says Bunker, but usually that concern is unfounded. Often when coaching top executives, says Bunker, he tells them “they’re so hard-nosed that almost anything they do [to show concern for workers] would make a big difference” in motivating them.

Today, more than ever people want to be involved and also want to be listened to and acknowledged. Even if their views are not agreed with.” Whilst some managers feel that they simply don’t have the time that it takes to “talk to everyone”, time and time again we have seen that if managers don’t spend a little time when they need to, they’ll spend much more time down the track when staff members become disinterested or problematic. Most team members will not care or will not be conscious about how much a manager has on their plate, or how much they know. They are more conscious of how much their manager cares. Building empathy with your team is critical in the development of trust and respect. Trust and respect comes from taking the time to ‘connect’ with people in addition to simply completing the tasks of the day…it’s the heart of leadership.
{Source Steve Bates, Senior Writer HR Magazine}

And the last ingredient of happiness, says Epicurus, is to lead a thoughtful life, analysing anxieties and stressors on a regular basis – writing them down and talking them through with friends. It seems that Epicurus was way ahead of his time as only in recent years have we begun to focus more on self-awareness and emotional intelligence. A key competency of EI is the skill of reflection and keeping a journal on a regular basis; learning to regulate and dispute the anxiety-provoking thoughts.

If you have these three goods in your life, asserted Epicurus, however poor you may be, however bad the hotel, you will always be happy; without them, you will almost certainly be sad. Leading up to this season of material pleasures, Epicurus points us to the fragility of any vision of happiness based simply on comfort and luxury. In the most palatial environment, a single anxiety or feeling of loneliness can wipe out the benefits of the best bath oils and towels. And conversely, with friends, with a sense of freedom, without anxieties, no cheap pension can sadden us. Many holiday resorts have cracked the secret of luxury. Very few have cracked the secret of happiness.

Since ancient times, Epicurus (341-270 B.C.), the Greek philosopher, has been somewhat misunderstood. The dictionary definition of ‘Epicurean’ is: sensual, addicted to luxury, profligate. But Epicurus was not into pampering himself. He acquired the image because he was the first philosopher to state categorically that the purpose of life was pleasure – though what he meant by this was hardly luxurious pleasure. If you reflect seriously on what you actually need to be happy, you will – alleged Epicurus – identify a short list of priorities.

The first of these is friends. No life could be happy without friends, and no life will be miserable with them. The philosopher was so attached to congenial company that he bought a large house in Athens which he shared with his best friends. He recommended that one tried never ever to eat alone. “Before you eat or drink anything, consider carefully who you eat or drink with rather than what you are to eat or drink: for feeding without a friend is the life of a lion or a wolf.” How many of us get stressed about the food we’re cooking or how things will look, losing sight of the happiness of having friends share a meal with us? It is also interesting today that most families rarely get together for a family meal together more than once or twice a week.

*Be sure to check back tomorrow to find out what else goes into the recipe of a happy life!